he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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