Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
