he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
