A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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