i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
