She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
