My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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