And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
