Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Someone signed my nipple.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
