I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
