she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
