Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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