yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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