I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize