i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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