The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
