have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
