Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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