just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
