Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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