wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
