dude i'm inner monologue high
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
