I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
