It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
