Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
