A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
