i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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