Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
His nipple licking is glorious
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