Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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