For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
