I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
