Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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