Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
