I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
