dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
