he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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