do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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