sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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