I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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