his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
