I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
