So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
