Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
