According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
