If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
