i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
