I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
