I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
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im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.