He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.