Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.