his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.