Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.