I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
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i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
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I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.