Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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