My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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