making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
