dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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