I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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