therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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