Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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