Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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