And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
