So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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