We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
