I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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