There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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