if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
