So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
