We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
