It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
