It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
