Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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